Vunerable mothers

My mother is sick. Really sick. Went to emergency on Wednesday. They removed her gall bladder, but the surgeon said her liver was highly damaged and the gall bladder he got was atrophied to the point it looked like tissue paper. I found out last night, the doctors are suspecting a blood disorder that is attacking her vital organs. They are unable to address it and need to send her to a teaching hospital for evaluation.

When I went home, I scoured the net and couldn't find anything of help or hope. or even information for that matter. That was a surprise to me. I thought the Internet knew everything.

The other issue for me is that I'm not at the place of thinking this thing could claim my mother's life. She doesn't seem to be a candidate for this. I'm not in place to let her go. I know lots of people my age don't have their parents. I get that people in their 70's die all the time. My grandfather is in his 80's and not missing a beat. (Yeah! I see that. It's my mother's step father, grandma married a youngster.) And grandma just died 9 months ago. Near her 90's! So I've been naive to think my parents will just easily go to the 90's or 100's.

My emotions are all sitting on the surface, I vacillate from anger to deep sadness in seconds. I slept 10 hours today, longer than I have in years. The days seem surreal. I catch myself staring blankly at nothing.

I hope this is all for nothing. Next week she should get out of the hospital and onto UC Davis for investigation and a smart doctor will diagnose her, they'll apply the answer, it'll all be figured out.